The Pottymouth Gardener
Growing beautiful things with terrible words.
How I Store My Bounty
I have several other older models as well, but they all perform spectacularly!! I can keep zukes and squash in these for weeks on end, and they’re equally as good for the green beans, peppers, and berries. They are even great for cucumbers, although the cukes just don’t last as long as the rest, regardless…
Pesticles Part 4: Caterpillars and Snails
It’s immensely frustrating spending so much of my garden time removing or killing pesticles. I want to nature bathe in the lush green leaves, plump vegetables, and colorific flowers of my garden. But noooooo, instead, I get to be the Orkin guy.
The Potatoes are Dead. Long Live the Beans!
Unfortunately, I have no answers. Like the potatoes, the closest fit I can find in my research seems to be viral. When I try to find images of bean leaf issues, the closest match to how my leaves look is in articles about viruses or fungi, but my leaves don’t really fit the description or…
Pesticles Part 2: Powdery Mildew, Cucumber Beetles, and Earwigs
Earwigs like dead vegetation. And they like some live stuff, too. But they really like cool moist stuff the most. So they like to hide down inside my lettuce heads, and come running out when I’m placing lettuce in my basket. I find them scurrying around the bases of my pole beans, and down the…
Pesticles Part 3: Tomato Fucking Hornworms
I’ve had a lot of shit in my garden over the years, but this asshole takes the cake. I’d read about them in various publications over time, but have never had any but the smallest inchworm grace my garden. You know, the super cute and tiny little green fellow that you can hardly see against…
What’s wrong with the tomatoes?
This year’s crop has been looking spectacular and bug-free all season, but now there’s a potential nutrient problem that’s making the San Marzanos look like shit. Time to find out what’s wrong with them.
What’s STILL wrong with the potatoes?
For the other four bags, I’m going to keep hand watering as necessary, until they finish dying. Just in case there’s another edible potato or two to come. At the end of the season I’m going to dump the bags and the soil entirely, maybe even burn them all (burning everything is one of the…
Hey Good Lookin’, Watcha got Cookin’?
From July through September, we have to harvest pretty much every other day. Beans get tough and dry when they are too big, and they only take a few days to go from tiny to ready. We’ve had to find additional ways to prepare beans, because we end up eating loads and loads in the…
Hello There! Fuzzy and Big Chungus
One happy May morning, my family bounded out of the house on our way to work and school, and found a trail of egg shells out from the bushes. Peering excitedly under the shrubs, we could clearly see that the ducklings had hatched! The pond is just behind our house (after crossing a four lane…
Hello There! Omigosh BABIES!!
I was walking around the garden and doing a once-over on the apple trees when I noticed a shadowy area in the crook of my young Gala tree.
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The Pottymouth Gardener 